And yesterday he started small discussion about engagement rings and his buddy looking into getting it for his girlfriend…
It’s quite interesting that I immediately feel like he is asking me these questions just to judge my point of view… And my mind also immediately goes to the only one reason why he would be talking about it … God I’m so impossible. And it’s all his fault cause he talks oh so much about marriage and babies that it’s quite hard not to expect smth from him any time now

This panic attack is killing me
Little change of the message style and I feel abandoned I feel like Arizona hell is going to happen again, like he is going to relapse, freak out that things are unclear in our lives and he is not ready for marriage or smth along those lines.
I hope I’m just making this up, I’m pretty sure we are on the different page from two years ago
But that nightmare won’t leave for good… No matter how secure and great this relationship is right now, even a little hint on the past mistake scares me to death and makes me doubt my trust….
Cole I really love you and I will try to work on it…

signs that he loves me

“I FUCKING LOVE THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF YOU

i want to kiss you all over over and again. i wanna kiss you all over till the night grows easy, till the night grows easy

basicly im dying here without you”

“if tomorrow i ask you to marry me what would you say”

“i miss you and i love you. come home. i cant wait to see you”

he includes me in the “plan”

he is ok with meeting my parents and the fact that we are Serious

he wants me to move with him and “just paint” wherever he is

“im comfortable with you”

he tells me a lot of personal family things

he spent all his time with me in st charles

he asked me to move my stuff into his place

he wants me to hold his hand in public

“i got a new computer guess whos on the screen”